I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize