if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You ruined the universe
Randomize