I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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