he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sext me about skeletons
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
