I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize