My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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