Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
