Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
do nipples grow back?
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