Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
