well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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