I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She told me I should be a condom model.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
