my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
