she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
