my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just fell off a train. Bad.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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