Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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