Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
