The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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