Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
