If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
