He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
