You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
