I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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