i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
