After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
