The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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