I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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