Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
