Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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