dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
