You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
