OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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