i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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