I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
