i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
