matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
