a queef is a wish your heart makes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize