Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
