All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
