Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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