butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
