What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize