She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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