u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
