I think my vagina is haunted
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize