genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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