that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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