i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
