Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
