Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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