As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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