i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
