Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
