singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
