so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
