either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
