I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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