you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
