it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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