I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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