Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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