Non-Jews are for practice
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize