Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
