i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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