So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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