You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
