i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
