Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
