I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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