Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why do cheetos always look like penises
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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