one might say we're banned from that church
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
