It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
