Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
