i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You ate ashes out of my bong
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
