So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
