Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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