once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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