You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
