I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
