Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
