no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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