Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
