I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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