I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So here I am, sexting at work.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
