I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
