accomplished twins. life is a go
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize