I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
