I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
