I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
