i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
