i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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