If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
