I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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