last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
