I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
