I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
