can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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