I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
pray to the hookup gods
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
