4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
