I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
